Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
