i will never coherently bang her
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
