just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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