my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
