Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
