I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
