bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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