yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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