Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
