What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You smell like a Billy Joel song
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize