So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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