I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize