Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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