if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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