I'm so fucking centered right now
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
