im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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