What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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