so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He told me they were just razor bumps!
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
