Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
