I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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