You're so nebulous sometimes
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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