This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
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