the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
