he shaved USA in his pubs
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
