I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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