Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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