He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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