Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You're like the curious george of whores
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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