Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
