I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
