Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
