I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
they need to just BURY HIM!
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
