I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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