Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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