alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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