I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
