sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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