I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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