Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
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If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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