Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
