You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
