my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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