The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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