ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
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Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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