Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
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