Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
