So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
