a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
