is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
