is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
