i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
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French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
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After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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