On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
