FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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