Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
