We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Randomize
