remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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