I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
