She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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