Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
