The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
