I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
