my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
