Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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