im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
