I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
