i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
