i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize