I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
