The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
