question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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