the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I pour the whiskey from now on
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
