i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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