i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you traded sex for a burrito?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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