Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
