Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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