They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
